Smut, smut, smut…

I go for a run and – is it just me – or is there a lot of sex in the streets here? It’s super-humid, so I just do a short one – down Cockburn, up Regina, round through Cox’s Bay and… well, see what I mean? Maybe I’m just childish. Jeez, I can’t even say Regina Street without – cough-reGINA! – spluttering (I once knew a guy who actually lived on Regina). Or maybe it’s just that it’s summer, when everyone has sex on their mind.

This guy sure does. I read today in the Herald on Sunday that Michael Chow – along with brother John – is looking to bring the family “sex empire” to Auckland in time for the Rugby World Cup. These are the guys who were renovating that beautiful old Palace Hotel in the central city when it started cracking apart and had to be demolished.

Dude kind of has a ‘sex industry’ face, huh? That’s a bit mean. It’s probably an unflattering photo. He’s probably really nice to his olds – actually, he and his brother have a charming rags to riches kind of story, in that they bought their parents’ fish and chip shop and got into business from there. He was even on record as saying that all their businesses run pretty much the same – chip shops and brothels building a reputation, presumably, on how often the oil gets changed and throwing in an extra oyster for your regulars. But I can’t say I’m sad their hotel fell over.

It just would have been *really* tacky. The thing was right next to the Sky Tower. And though I love my old Auckland buildings (especially ones painted a cheery canary yellow with white), I’m happier that the old girl was euthanased, rather than set to turning tricks in her twilight years.

The Chows for their part now have their sights set on David Henderson’s old penthouse suite at the Viaduct. This is a much better idea. Dave “Cocaine is slimming” Henderson’s flash modern pad is far better suited to the kind of ‘up-market’ operations Mike and John are known for running. Though they’ll have to get resource consent from the Council first.

In the meantime, possibly to circumvent resource consent issues, though I couldn’t quite work that out from the HoS article, the Chow brothers are also talking about opening “pop-up” brothels in time for the World Cup. Pop-up brothels? Okay I am childish, but that’s too funny. And I can think of some perfect places to put them.

There’s Cox’s Bay. Regina Street – I believe there’s even a Foch Avenue in Auckland. But Cockburn?

Yeah, not so much.